Butchy McTopperson Answers: Dear Abby

Please join me in welcoming our newest contributor, Butchy McTopperson. Butchy has been a dominant all his life. He started in the womb, manipulating his mom's diet via morning sickness. He has agreed to share his wisdom with all of you.

Since no one actually writes us letters, Butchy will be answering letters to other advice columnists. In this post Butchy answers letters to Dear Abby.

-- Citi Kittie

Dear Abby,

I have strong feelings about the word love. I use it only when I truly mean it. My husband's family, however, bandies it about as a common word.

How does one respond when someone says "I love you" when you know he or she doesn't mean it and is only saying it as a pleasantry? I hate saying it back to someone I don't really love. I feel the phrase should be reserved only when you are saying it from the heart. Any advice on what I should say, if anything at all?

-- Keeping Mum in Mississippi

Dear Mum,

As a dominant, your primary question is never, "What should I say?" but, "How do I best dominate my inlaws?"

Your narrow usage of love is by no means universal; Webster's has many definitions (I'm guessing, I didn't actually look it up because no mere dictionary can tell Butchy what a word means). However, that does not mean that you should let your pushy husband's family try and dictate how you use language.

If you don't love your inlaws, tell them. Just don't be a bitch about it. Let them know in a kind and sensitive manner that you lack any feelings of affection or emotional attachment for them. If they love your husband, and your letter indicates they do (and everyone else), they will want to win your affection. This will put you in a very powerful position.

Once they start trying to win you over it will be very easy for you to manipulate and dominate them.

Enjoy,

Butchy


Dear Abby,

After our father's death last year, my brother, "Rex," and I moved in with our mother to help her out emotionally and financially. Rex and I have always respected each other's privacy and have always supported each other.

Rex has put a lock on his door, which makes Mom and me feel as if he doesn't trust us enough to respect his privacy. We have never invaded his space or given him cause not to trust us. He is a caring, considerate person, financially stable, socially active, and helps Mom out with any repairs needed around the house. I love him dearly, but I am puzzled that he feels he needs to lock his room as if we are not trustworthy.

My feelings are hurt. Our family has never had trust issues before. What do you think of his behavior, and am I being overly sensitive?

-- Open-Door Sis in Mississippi

Dear Door,

You claim to respect your brother's privacy but your question indicates that you do not. Your brother's locked door is a very firm boundary and it bothers you. Also, by referring to him with a name commonly associated with a dog it is clear you see him as sub-human. These are all very good signs in a budding dominant.

If you hope to truly dominate him, you need to get that lock off his door.

Use your mom as an ally in your efforts. Continue your late-night gossiping about how your brother doesn't trust or respect either of you. You don't need to tell your mom what to do with this information; she will find her own way to let her displeasure be known. Moms are experts at this. Eventually he'll remove the lock to please his mom.

It is obvious that your brother has locked his door so he can look at porn and jerk off. Once the lock comes off his insecurity about jerking off will increase. He may jerk off less or do it more furtively or later at night. Make sure to walk in on him at all hours, making it even harder for him to know when it's safe to get off. This will stress him out and unbalance him, making it easier for you and your mom to manipulate and dominate him.

Enjoy,

Butchy