Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Professional Strippers at a Kinky Play Party

A couple of weeks ago I attended my first bachelor/bachelorette party with professional strippers. Full disclosure: While I strive to be a Very Naughty Kitty indeed, I have never been to a strip club that features full nudity.

Full, full disclosure: I’ve been to some male strip clubs with full nudity, but not female. I know, I’m sheltered.

So I was excited that there would be two strippers at this party. It was held at a big ranch house in the suburbs. As part of the festivities, my boyfriend and I decided to do a strip tease for the crowd. I thought we’d be a good way to get the guests warmed-up for the pros.

We have a routine we’ve done at some parties and at Dark Odyssey Summer Camp one year. It starts out to Pretty Woman with my bf in drag and me dressed in a man’s suit. (Hmmm, maybe I’m in drag too…)

While the music plays, we seduce each other, flirting, and dancing, and kissing, until we finally strip off enough clothes for me to see that she is really a he! I act shocked at the sight of his penis, but he reassures me it will be OK and places my hand on his cock.

The touch of his cock is enough to convince me. The stage direction I wrote is “I touch his cock. I go gay.”

At this point the music changes to Hey Ya and I strip down to PVC hot pants and a tight nylon club shirt. We kiss for a while and then give lap dances to the audience. It’s very naughty. And sexy. And silly. The audience always seems to enjoy it.

The guests at the bachelor/bachelorette party were no exception. The pros even watched and smiled. And I love showing off.

Then we all settled in for an hour-long presentation by the pros.

I have to say I was underwhelmed.

I’m not saying my bf and I did better. But the audience was really excited and laughing and having fun when we were up there. With the pros, not so much.

I’ve been trying to put my finger on what was missing and I think it was passion. It seemed more like naked gymnastics than something sexual.

People seemed to react with thoughts of, “Oh, how does she bend like that,” more than “Oh, that’s so hot.”

Part of the problem was that they were really trying to get tips. I was prepared to tip, but they did it in a really crass way, I thought.

At one point they laid the bride and groom on the floor and said they were going to kiss and grope their way down the bride and groom’s bodies. That sounded hot. Then added that we had to lay money on the bride and groom for them to pick up as they worked their way down.

Um, we do?!?

They also did something called Cooter Shots. The had test tubes full of shots and each woman slid a tube into her pussy and then had the bride and groom grab the tube with their mouths and fuck them with the tube. The bride and groom then leaned back and drank the shot.

OK, that was kind of interesting and a bit hot to watch. Then they offered Cooter Shots to everyone else. For $5 a shot. My Mistress and I were the only ones who took them up on the offer.

Later they sat on the floor and fucked each other with a double-dildo. While making small talk with each other. Um, yeah, not hot at all.

Then they got up and, with the double-dildo still connecting them, spun around into different positions. By now it really felt like a gymnastics exhibition.

Maybe I’ve been spoiled by all the burlesque shows I’ve been to. When they call burlesque a “strip tease” I now know what they mean. It’s more of this just seemed to be about getting naked and striking poses a performance to get the audience and excited than to just show off.

Or maybe it was doomed from the start. I’m guessing that strippers would be the high point of most bachelor/bachelorette parties. But at a kinky play party it was more of a warm up to what we’d be doing to each other later.

I still want to go to a strip club with female strippers, but I’m thinking that burlesque shows will turn me on more.