Friday, November 20, 2009

They Still Kill Trans People, Don't They

Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. A day set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. It's sad that we have to have a day like this each year but we do.

Because they still kill trans people.

In my blog, and in my life, I try to celebrate gender variance. I love going on cam dressed up cute, in whatever gender presentation strikes my fancy that day. But I never show my face.

Because they still kill trans people.

I love going out to parties and conventions where I feel free, and safe, to present in any way I choose. I love flirting and chatting. People tell me I even have a different walk when I'm at an event. Which surprises me because I don't try to walk any different. At an event, the way I present just feels so "right." But before I leave I always change back into my "street" clothes.

Because they still kill trans people.

I'm beginning to realize I'd be a lot happier if I could present to the world who I really am. I'm sure I'd have a lot less anxiety and depression if I could dress as my actual gender. I'd feel so much more authentic and real if people saw me as my true gender (the gender I was born with, even if people thought I was a different gender). It's who I really am. But I don't dare show them.

Because they still kill trans people.

Don't worry, I have plenty of happy, flirty, sexy posts still to come. But once a year we all need to stop. And remember.

Because they still kill trans people.


There are many events around the country, and around the world. I hope you'll attend one. [http://www.transgenderdor.org/]

Sunday, November 1, 2009

New Article on Polyamory

A new article by your friendly kitty is up at EdenFantasys.com. It's called the
The Practicality of Polyamory and it's all about my experiences trying to explain my relationships to people.

http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/sexual-health/coming-out-poly-100792/

I hope you enjoy it.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

No Apologies

In the summer of 1999 I seemingly had it all. I'd spent the previous 13 years playing by society's rules and was reaping its rewards. I was in a monogamous relationship. I was heteronormative and when my wife and I had sex it was bland, vanilla sex. I'd spent most of our relationship being a good husband, following her around the country for her career, and doing whatever I could to keep our relationships together. In fact, my wife and I had just put a down payment on a house in the suburbs, that's how mainstream I was.

Unfortunately, we were both miserable.

Years of trying to be someone I wasn't had taken its toll. I hated being straight and never flirting with anyone. I hated being traditionally male. I hated my job and I hated where I lived. And my wife was depressed, had anger issues, and fibromyalgia.

So ten years ago I quit my job, got divorced, and moved back to the East Coast. And started working on building a new life. A life where I present as the gender I was born to be and have the types of relationships that are right for me.

It's been a lot of hard work and I've had several missteps. I've learned a lot about ethical non-monogamy and the kinds of rules you need to have to stay healthy emotionally and physically. But they aren't the same rules that society told me to have.

Last month I moved in with my wife and our girlfriend. I also have a boyfriend and several play partners. And my partners have other partners. I no longer present as traditionally male, and often present as fairly femme. When I have sex it's the naughty, dirty, kinky kind that gets my partners and I off.

Many people tell me that all of this is doomed to fail. That this type of lifestyle, these kinds of relationships, this kind of gender presentation doesn't work out. That I'll end up alone and unloved.

Well you know what, I've tried it society's way and it didn't work out so well. There are no guarantees in this life. But at least this way, if I fail I'll know I failed on my own terms.

Now, I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not lying to anyone. I'm not manipulating anyone into doing things they don't want to do. I'm not breaking any laws. I'm treating everyone ethically and morally.

However, I may be making a few people uncomfortable by living my life the way I want. But for that have no apologies.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Citi Kittie is Currently on Summer Vacation

There will be no updates for a while yet. The vanilla world has swelled up and crushed this little kitty. Family vacation, looking for a new place to live, moving, living with in-laws, moving into a new place, and now getting ready for my Miss to join my Mistress and I so we can all live together.

But this Kitty will return this fall.

I'll be living with both my Mistress and my Miss, so I'm sure there will be lots to update you on.

And we are all headed to Dark Odyssey Summer Camp, where this kitty will get up to no good, I'm sure.

I hope you're all having a great summer. See you this fall!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

New Threesome Position

This kitty loves threesomes. I think it's the optimum number for sex. People tend to couple up once you have more than three. So more often than not a foursome is really 2 twosomes, and a fivesome is 1 twosome and 1 threesome, and so on and etc.

But with a threesome you can really focus on each other, find lots of positions to access each other, and have a lot of fun.

A month or so ago I attended a great class on having threesomes, taught by Reid Mihalko. It covered starting a threesome, emotional considerations, and various positions. I even helped demonstrate some positions. (Unfortunately we were all clothed, but it's a fun way to meet new people.)

Reid teaches a lot of classes and has a great website you might want to check out, at reidmihalko . com.

So recently I was at a play party and discovered a new position for threesomes.

My Mistress had strapped on a cock and was offering free rides. She got warmed up having a hot guy suck her cock. I warmed up her first ridee by giving her a hand job. Actually, the warm up was a threesome as well. Her husband was sitting and she was sitting between his legs. He was holding her from behind while I stood in front of them, kissing and rubbing her.

We were at this amazing private dungeon, in the wet room. The wet room was covered floor to ceiling in tile, had several shower nozzles, a drain in the floor, and a large bench that ran the length of one side of the room.

My Mistress decided to lay down on the bench to let her friend ride her cock. But the bench was all tile, so not that comfy for laying on. I jumped on the bench, leaned my back to the wall, and suggested my Mistress to lean on me for cushion.

I thought she would lean her back against my chest, in a reclining sitting position. Instead, she lay down with her head in my lap. Which meant the back of her head was resting on my cock. It was quite pleasant to have her head resting on me like that.

But then her friend mounted my Mistress's cock and started fucking her. As she did that, all the engery she was fucking into my Mistress was riding through her body and transmitting into my cock. Wow.

I could feel each thrust and movement right on my cock. It wasn't enough to get me off, but it was enough to keep me aroused and wanting more.

Her friend looked so hot, squatting over my Mistress and riding her. She started moaning. She started sweating, she kept going.

She rode her for a while in a sitting up position and then she'd lean down and kiss my Mistress. While they were making out their heads were both in my lap, rolling around over my cock.

Again, wow. My cock was throbbing in my panties as they rolled back and forth over me. Both of them moaning and sweating and thrusting for more. And more. And more. I have no idea how many orgasms they had. From their expressions it seemed like a lot.

It seemed to go on for hours. I knew I wouldn't cum from the stimulation and I think I enjoyed knowing that as well. It was a nice denial. I was helping the two of them get off and knew I wouldn't get release. But I was also absorbing all that sexual energy, sucking it all up.

Finally my Mistress's friend had had enough and she dismounted. She needed her husband to help her as she couldn't really stand. We all lay on the bench cuddling, and recovering, for a while.

What an awesome scene. And awesome people. And an awesome postion. I'll be doing that one again!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Another article I wrote is up at EdenFantasys.com. It's about using safe words in BDSM scenes.

I hope you all enjoy!

http://tinyurl.com/dd2rus

Friday, April 3, 2009

Brunch and a Blow Job

My Mistress likes to cut her friends hair. Not as a kinky thing; she just likes giving make-overs (OK, maybe there is a bit of a domme thing going on there after all).

A while back a friend emailed her and suggested we come over to provide a hair cut for her and a blow job for her boyfriend. Her yummy, yummy boyfriend. He and I had played a bit before, and made out a few times, but never gone as far as a blow job.

My Mistress, my Miss, and I were really tired because we'd be at a play party the night before until 5 AM. We were supposed to arrive at 11 AM, but we were all still fast asleep at 10:30, so we called to say we'd be there about noon.

It's not easy to live the sexyfuntime lifestyle!

The night before I'd been all girlie, but I went to brunch in some cute boy clothes.

Our hostess provided a wonderful breakfast of yummy foods. After we ate my Mistress set up a chair to cut our hostesses hair, sitting so they could watch the action on the couch. My Miss sat at their feet to watch as well.

Her boyfriend and I were next to each other on the couch and finally his girlfriend said, "OK, let's go boys!"

So I sat on his lap and we started making out. He's so cute; I wanted to eat him up! Oh, and I was about t0!

We kissed and kissed and kissed. Hot, deep, passionate, boy-on-boy kisses.

I could feel him getting hard and wanting more through his pants. So I pulled them down and started rubbing his cock. Mmmmm.

Somehow my Mistress was able to concentrate on cutting hair while also watching us. She is a multitasker!

There was a brief pause while my Miss tried to find us some condoms. You'd think with five kinky people in the room we'd have been able to whip one out quicker. But we found their stash, and some flavored lube.

I got on my knees, between his legs, right where I belonged. I lubed up his cock and stroked him slowly. He was hard and throbbing. I looked up; he was smiling down at me, his twitching cock in my hand.

I slipped the condom on and leaned down to suck. His cock. In my mouth. So hard between my lips. And yet, cocks aren't hard like steel; they aren't wood. They are hard with a soft, warm, spongy, muscly, cockishness that is hard to resist.

So hard to keep from the back of my throat.

I slid my mouth down, all the way, feeling his hardness on the back of my throat. Bobbing on his cock, gagging a bit, drooling a bit. My eyes were tearing up.

God, it was so good.

I looked over at my Mistress, my Miss, and our hostess staring at us. I'm not sure which turned on more, the cock rubbing against the top of my throat, or having three hot women watching.

Eventually he leaned down and pulled me off. I sat on the couch and pulled down my pants. He lubed up my cock and knelt between my legs as he stroked me.

I leaned back and moaned as he rubbed my hardness. God it was so wonderful; throbbing between his hands.

I hadn't cum in a few days. God I was so horny. He was smiling up at me, so excited to be jerking me off. Wow.

I started begging to cum. My Mistress teased that I wouldn't be cumming today. My Miss thought it amusing and hot to have me begging in front of our friends.

It was embarrassing.

And so hot.

I'm not exactly sure how I was able to hold off while begging and being stroked, but I managed it. And then she said I could. And then I did.

Over and over and over.

Wow.

So much cum, pumping out onto my belly.

Wow.

So wonderful.

Such good friends.

Such a great brunch.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

First Article Published - Male Bisexuality

As you know, this kitty isn't only about having sexyfuntime. Education is also important!

And to that end, my first article has been published over at EdenFantasys.com. It's about male bisexuality. A yummy topic.

Enjoy! http://tinyurl.com/dyt5ty

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Deep Throat Fucking

Was at a birthday play party a few weeks ago for my boyfriend. He had party games, as one does. And one was a deep-throating contest. What would you do at a kinky birthday party?

We started with a police night-stick. I do not recommend this as it is rather wide and not easy to get down. So it was really a competition of who had the deepest mouth. Not very satisfying. I clocked in at just 4 inches. Yes, I know, it's not the size that counts, but still, I knew I could do better.

Eventually someone got out a jelly double-ended dildo and things really heated up. I was going to demand a second chance, but the winner clocked in at 9.5 inches so I didn't bother.

Later, however, several of us were still wondering and I saw a hot girl in the main play area laying on her back and really jamming it down her throat. When she finished she went and washed it off. I grabbed a fresh condom and, when she returned, said I wanted another go as well.

I pushed it down my throat with her watching close by. I hadn't deep-throated in a while, so it didn't go very far. The girl smiled and then reached out and jammed it down further. "Come on," she said, "you can do better." I leaned back and took even more, feeling it push the back of my mouth open and enter my throat.

Now, I'm a perverted kitty and I really get off on the gag reflex. As in, it feels almost like an orgasm when it gets going. So I started gagging and drooling and begging for more.

My friend smiled and obliged. She jammed it down even more. We didn't measure, but I took almost the whole thing, feeling it sliding deep into my throat.

I had to time my breathing, taking extra deep breaths in rhythm to the fucking she was giving me. She kept jamming it down, causing my whole body to start shaking as my throat gagged and drool dripped from my lips.

Finally she pulled it from my throat and allowed me to catch my breath. She reached out and rubbed the spit and drool all over my face, calling me a dirty bitch. All I could do was agree, and beg for more. "Oh, you want more?" she asked. "Yes, yes," I gasped, still out of breath.

Back down the dildo went, deep into my throat. Several people were watching; several people had to turn away.

I gagged as she called me dirty, filthy names. A friend twittered about it.

I was trembling all over, my whole body on the edge of an orgasm. Or maybe I had gone over. Maybe I was having orgasm after orgasm as she jammed it in and out of my throat. All I could do was beg for more. I really didn't know what would cause me to stop. I didn't know if I could stop.

There comes a time when you're bottoming when you wonder if you can take any more. Will one more thrust be too much? Will I be able to keep going? But at the same time you know you can't possibly stop.

With all the gagging I even threw up a little, in the back of my throat, and swallowed it back down. As disgusting as that was, I wanted more. I wanted to throw up for her. She pulled out the dildo and I told her, "I want to throw up for you."

She smiled even more and called me dirty and sick.

"You want to throw up for me?" she asked.

"Yes," I panted.

"Really? You really do?"

"God yes."

She dropped the dildo and pushed her hand into my mouth, telling me she'd make me vomit.

"Do it, do it, throw up for me," her fingers pushing deep into the back of my mouth, down into my throat, my mouth open for her.

I had to grab her to stay standing. I was shaking and drooling and gagging. I thought I might faint.

Finally I couldn't take any more and we had to stop. She just smiled.

We went to clean up; my face covered in my drool. I washed my face, seeing a bit of blood in my saliva. Well, I guess that was to be expected.

We talked about what a hot scene it had been and then parted. I went and found my Mistress and Miss. They were sitting on a couch and I fell between them and just laid there, floating. I'm so lucky to have them. They'd watched the whole thing and were more than happy to snuggle me now that it was over, and I had cleaned up.

I had so much adrenaline and other drugs floating through me (all released by my brain; nothing artificial) that I was still shaking all over. When we finally got home I could barely sleep. I don't think I came down for about 24 hours.

And now I want more . . .

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Why I Don't Like Non-Fetish Parties

This kitty loves to go to parties, but I'm finding that, more and more, I prefer attending fetish parties. It's not that I need to be a full-on pervert all the time (though I do enjoy that), it's just hard to be myself at a non-fetish (vanilla) party.

First off, I'm genderqueer and identify more on the female end of the gender spectrum (if there is such a thing, which I don't always believe). When I go to a fetish party I can dress up in a way that better expresses my true gender. I can wear cute skirts or a naughty or flirty dress. At a vanilla party I have to dress as a boy.

Of course I could wear girl clothes to vanilla parties. Many transsexual, transgender, and genderqueer people do that. I really admire them. I think they have a fierceness and determination that I really respect and admire, and that I lack. I mean, they still kill trans people, don't they. I've experienced enough violence so I probably err on the safe side to avoid it.

But I'm not always comfortable being a boy. Being a boy at a party brings certain expectations. You're supposed to make the first move, and behave in certain ways. And people make certain assumptions about who you are. It's harder to overcome all of that and push out who I really am when I'm dressed as a boy. It is possible, it just takes a lot more effort. I'm usually able to achieve it with people I know, like coworkers. But it's much harder with strangers in a five minute conversation.

I was at a vanilla party around Christmas that included some people I didn't know. Talking with them and interacting I felt like a bit of a phony. Like I was presenting a false view of who I am. One of my partners even commented to some of them, saying something about how they had no idea what I was really like at a fetish party. All I could do was blush and say that I'm a bit different there.

In addition, I know I'm still self-conscious about being polyamorous. I'm much more out about being genderqueer and pansexual than I am about being poly. I'm sure it's partly that my family is the least accepting of my being poly.

All parties are about flirting. But trying to explain poly at a vanilla party can be a bit difficult. Especially being the perceived male in a FFM triad, many people look at it like I "have" two women and am casting about to increase my harem. Really I just like connecting with people on an emotional and physical level. And then making out with them.

And my partners enjoy playing with others too. We all operate under the same rules.

So I feel awkward flirting at a vanilla party. I feel a bit like a creepy guy.

Most of the people at fetish parties get poly. Or they know people in similar situations. At most vanilla parties it's pretty rare to run into other poly people. So we are met either with fascination, like we are an oddity, or derision. And I'm not always sure which it is.

So, while the BDSM scene is certainly not paradise, I find it much more open and accepting than the vanilla world. A place where I can express who I really am and how I prefer to love.

Trying to do that at a vanilla party is just too difficult most of the time. And I end up hiding by the dessert table eating pie.